Lights, Camera, Classroom

Last week, while I was in Mexico City, we were exploring a gorgeous neighborhood near the Angel of Independence monument. On our drive there, our friend-turned-guide turned our attention to marble sidewalks, high end restaurants, and designer brand stores. As we drove away from the monument, we crossed this incredibly tall building, all lit up at night.

He sighed, "that building is a disaster. Everyone hates it, they are all so angry. The government poured so much money into that hideous thing."

I was confused by the communal frustration,"why?"

"It's empty. The building is just lights."

I got a glimpse of what he meant right before we passed it. The building had windows on all sides, all glowing with light, all revealing a completely empty interior. I wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't said anything. I thought, actually, that as far as skyscrapers go, the building was alright. I thought so at first.

This week, I came back to working in classrooms, lots of them, morning and evening. One of the awesome teachers I assist sent me some photos after class, capturing a moment of me teaching a lesson on farm animals to the kiddos.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love teaching these five year olds whose raw energy motivates me to roll out of bed way earlier than I did in college. However, I rarely mention that the pics of the moments we share together are not my most favorite. It's not the kids, it's me. I have always thought that pictures of me speaking are the worst pictures.

The picture featured at the top of this post is a nice one, but take this picture from the same day.

I'll go ahead and zoom in close for you.

I have no intent to be self-deprecatory, even though I'll readily admit that this is not the most flattering picture I've ever had taken. My only point is that I certainly do not make teaching look glamorous.

Really, though, when I think of it, I don't know that any of the pictures from my classrooms make teaching look glamorous. Even though I certainly don't claim to be an expert on the subject after five months, I'll venture to say that teaching just isn't glamorous in general.

Pictures or even videos you could take of my classrooms, even the best ones, will miss the best part of being there. You could capture the incredibly precious faces of my five year olds, but you couldn't see the kind of switch that flips when one of them finally remembers a word she's forgotten four times. You can't see how excited I feel when the student I think is never listening proves me wrong. You won't see the in and out, "shhh, sit down!" "take your pencil case," rhythm that keeps the classroom going and makes teaching what it is.

I think that teaching, like so many things in life, is just infinitely more beautiful whenever you live it yourself (also when doing that thing lets you do so much of what you love). I don't plan to teach forever, as I love so much that would keep me out of the classroom, but gosh, it's been amazing to be able to teach here.

As unglamorous as I may look in pictures, I know that I am a part of something beautiful.

And at the end of this week of teaching, I am left with the thought that some things are all lights and no substance, while others can have as many lights pointed to them as possible, and there will always be something there, something substantial, that you can't see at all.