The Table in the Room

In the times that I have travelled and moved, I have come to appreciate how many little things change from one place to the next. Of course, there are big, obvious differences. But while some differences are in your face, like Marylanders' obsession with Old Bay seasoning (still a mystery to me), others take a convivio to manifest themselves.

This past week was full of these little parties with food, which I have zero complaints about. I love convivios. Last-minute party planning is like a language that everyone seems to speak here. Say the word, and you'll have the most delicious potluck planned in five minutes flat.

We had a convivio in both of my conversation workshops this week, on Wednesday and Thursday. Being that the class is my responsibility, I'm sure to arrive early. So, in anticipation for our little party on Wednesday, I set up the food and drinks on a table that was pushed up against one of the walls in the room. Then, I cleared the middle of the room, and set up a circle of chairs in the empty space. My thought was that people could get up for food whenever they wanted, and move the chairs to facilitate mingling and conversation.

After people arrived, one of the the teachers in the class asked if he could move the table I had set into the middle of the room. I said sure, and then moved the circle of chairs over, so that the table was right outside of the circle of chairs. He looked a little bit confused, served himself some Coke, and sat down for our convivio.

On Thursday, the same thing happened. Varenya and I had the classroom all set up, and after people arrived, a couple of teachers asked if we could move the table into the middle of the room. This time, though, before I could "fix" the chairs, everyone pulled their chairs up around the snack table and sat down.

I smiled to myself, and pulled my chair up to the table to join in on the conversation. My way of setting up for the get together, which is exactly the way I've set up for any party with snacks in the US, was totally foreign to my adult learners. Why keep the food out of reach when everyone can sit family-style around it? Or why not?

I do think that there are things that can be done in a right and wrong way, some more obvious than others. But then there are also things that we do a certain way just because that's the way we've always done them. Exploring the world, or meeting new people is maybe the only way to really appreciate how funny it is that we feel so attached to certain ways of living life.

You can eat a plate of rice with a fork, chopsticks, or your hands, and the food will all end up in the same place. Eat rice with your hands in the US, though, and you may receive more than one judgy look. But when you live into a place of difference, it's easier to see how totally okay, and maybe even how cool it is, that there are so many different approaches to eating, hosting, or living.

Why does it seem right to put the snack table off to the side of the room? Probably because I hadn't thought of other, equally acceptable ways of setting out snacks for a party. Barring a method of suspending snacks from the ceiling, who cares where the chips go? I kind of did, until I realized that I didn't have to. And now, I'm glad to know that tables in the middle of the room are perfectly fine, too. Maybe next time someone asks me why I do some random thing some random way, I will do a better job of answering that question."Because that's just the way to do it," seems like a pretty weak answer.

In all of the times I've moved, I've been privileged to know people who accept and are eager to learn about the little habits that I've grown up with (even if it's taken me a while to stop my neighbors' worries when I walk outside with wet hair). It's this acceptance that makes me feel comfortable as a foreigner in the place where I live.

It may not have seemed like a big deal if I insisted that we keep the tables where I had set them for the convivio. But I think that it is by appreciating and accepting little, almost insignificant differences that we can make significant improvements in our relationships with people who are different than us. I know that it has made a difference for me.